From Facebook...
Felines. Whoah, whoah, whoah, Felines....
I'm posting this again, cuz it's lingering in my heart...
This is from nine years ago. A couple of threads of nostalgia - and grief.
Nostalgia with Dash. Here fine blonde hair; easy to smile - unguarded, like children are. One can (small) grieve for innocence being replaced with the skepticism of adulthood. C'est la vie. It's different, but it's richer, and it is proper. He's still around - just up the coast.
The Booga, on the other hand, triggers bigger grief. At one point after The Booga passed, my grief for him was deeper - more present - than that for my dad. Dad has been gone so long, the intensity of any feelings at all have faded. I embrace when I do grieve for him.
There's something about Kili's posture here and the look on his face that is triggering something else. He was always everpresent. With us, with Dash. He seems to be very deliberate here: "I am posing with My Boy, whom I helped raise." I remember when we placed Dash on the bed fresh from the hospital to meet his feline siblings. Kili is intertwined with Dash's childhood.
Kili was the first cat I really loved. He was essentially My First Cat. An amazing personality. Whenever I had to crawl into the crawlspace at the old house (far too frequently), I could count on him to join me.
But I can barely remember him now. I have the pictures, but little actual context (videos or writings). He's fading away. I'm losing my grief for him.
Part of it is his successor's fault. If I had to rank them, Hobbes may get the edge - but that's waaaay besides the point. A bit of the problem is that they're very similar orange-based cats - the Booga memories are washed out by Hobbes's similarities.
It's good that the pain of grief diminishes, and it's necessary.
But it's sad that the FEEL of love fades. Eventually we're left with only the faint memory of love.
I grieve for that.
So when the tears flow for those we have lost, be grateful. For in these moments they are alive in our hearts.