Here's the summary "After attending SLO Days, I feel SO GOOD about my son attending! CP Admin Staff, you are awesome"
But I have a habit of proving the depth of my gratitude by the word count (and it helps me remember details I would otherwise quickly forget).
Here's the long-winded thank you:
The heart is faster than the brain, the red ticker often shocks the grey matter.
When you get a Surprise Ugly Cry, your brain better figure out what Urgent Memo it missed.
The first Surprise Ugly Cry I remember was right after watching Parenthood in the theater with my girlfriend (almost 35 years ago). I had just graduated, got a job. Everything was looking up, and I had less stress than I had in years. Why the breakdown? My dad was struggling. As had happened before, the economy was crashing and he was overleveraged in construction projects. He was losing everything again. My brain needed a wake up call.
My most recent Surprise Ugly Cry was when I was picking my son up from one of his first beach volleyball practices at the high school. The two coaches were working with him and another freshman. I could tell from his body language that he was relaxed and that he was enjoying himself. The coaches radiated competence AND kindness. The four were all smiling and laughing. Me, I'm sitting in the car absolutely sobbing.
My brain was just finding out how stressed I had been about the last couple of seasons of club basketball Dash had been playing in. A high-stress culture led by a couple of coaches that were - I hadn't been using the term at the time - abusive. I was afraid of them, and I was well beyond 13 years old. For Dash's psyche, they were toxic. Watching the volleyball coaches for just a minute, my heart immediately knew that Dash was safe. Tears of sorrow, regret, and shame: he had trusted me to use my judgment to keep him safe from emotional abuse and I had failed him over too long a period of time. He could trust these coaches, I could trust them, and, hopefully, he could trust me to know better to protect him from now on. Tears of relief. All this realized emotionally in a moment; the brain took a little while longer. This was indeed a turning point; Dash had a wonderful four years of beach and indoor volleyball, athletically and emotionally. Sports was as it should be: an enriching outlet.
Near the end of Day Two of SLO Days - the two-day orientation program for incoming students and their supporters - Kirsten Vinther's "Student's Drink, but not My Student" talk, I'm a couple of rows from the front in the middle, repeatedly using two hands to wipe a face wet with tears, trying not to be too obvious about it. Thank God, not an Ugly cry.
Okay, brain: catch up here.
The tears were again telling my brain that my son would be safe and supported - he'd be okay. The biggest change in his life all at once as he sheds the protective cocoon of the only house he's ever known, the same friend group he's known his whole life... He'll be okay. It is highly unlikely he will face some trouble (creative though he is with trouble) that the array - no the family -of dedicated staff isn't experienced and expert in. They really know what they're doing and they're doing it together. This isn't their first (Mustang) Rodeo.
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They understand the likely skillsets wielded by their incoming students - and the gaps.
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They understand the overwhelming newness of this brand new and comparatively-isolated environment for them.
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They understand the wide variety of pressures facing these young people.
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They understand and have implemented a wealth of systems of support.
I know there are "departments" at other schools tasked with the same goals. Some of my takeaways of the extraness:
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The professionals at Cal Poly see historical trends, they seek evidence and best practices - they're rather aggressive in staying up to date on what's new and what's changing and how to help.
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San Luis Obispo is not only the university, but the university is a major social driver there. It is essentially its own island. "Listen, most Cal State schools are designed to serve their region's locals. We don't have many locals. Almost all our students come from somewhere else. We understand that most of our students are starting here essentially from scratch. We know. We know how to help them. We're here for them."
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There is a really strong sense of community here, not commodity. "We're family and we're committed to helping you be emotionally and academically successful. We are really committed to helping you."
Almost universally, those who spoke to us seemed extremely earnest, genuine, eager to help, understanding, and - critically - very approachable.
And since these potential challenges are primarily emotions-driven, I am very grateful and relieved at how emotionally attuned and emotionally articulate everyone is.
Processing all this, I felt that Dash will be safe, that his challenges and growth at Cal Poly will be supported by knowledgeable invested experts. Some of the tears were the realization that he had come this far, become who he is, with guidance primarily from two hack amateurs totally winging it for seventeen years. While we were focused and dedicated, the professional support staff and their allies are clearly immensely more qualified.
So again, tears of relief, tears of trust.
And because it is my job to worry: will he take the risk to trust, to reach out when the times come?
Tears of hope.