Getting the cold shoulder from your incoming freshman?
It's pretty universal. Don't take it too personally (though, of course, I did).
Hold on loosely.
One part is that your former high school child is really stressed out. It's mostly excitement, but they are confronted with a whole new unknown life coming up.
There's the whole "Soiling the Nest" coping impulse (even as adults we often act counterproductively to our emotional needs).
So, even on the "all good, right?" things, they're navigating a bunch of new things at once, including becoming independent.
They (especially the boys) are not going be particularly articulate and lack the experience to be "fully gracious".
My son (only child) was really eager to claim his independence, particularly our involvement in his academic affairs. His study habits in high school were pretty poor - and we intervened a lot. He drew a really hard line once he got accepted. He was more than a bit harsh about it.
We honored his need need for space, to feel his independence and to fully develop his own agency. At the pace he needed. He gradually warmed up. Now he's comfortable with us and confident in himself. My advice: set your expectations really low for Year 1. This will keep you from interfering with their pace on THEIR journey.
They know we will always be there for them. They know in their souls. They may abuse that certainty. Victims of our own success...
Also - and this is true for me - they may have no idea of the heart-shapes hole they leave in your lives. I was good about keeping in touch with my dad on move out, but I let every other relationship wither. I didn't know what being left behind felt like until my son moved out (and it crushed me. This group saved me (thank you)).
Try not to badger (keeping in mind that an occasional text will seem like harassment initially). Express thanks for any contact. Anything that they do to make you feel good, express thanks for that. That repeated message will sink in.
"Thanks for the picture of the jambalaya you cooked for your roommates last night. It makes up happy to know that you're up to good and fun things". Thank You and That Makes Us Happy do meme their way into their very distracted skulls.
Play the long game. The easier you make it to leave the more they'll know how easy it is to return.
You got this. You've got them this far. This part is easy, but it's easy like a sprint: it's intense, but over soon. You will feel some new feelings rather intensely, but "briefly". It will be a roller coaster. There will be some stomach-churning drops - but ever less-tumultuous.
Remember: most people who go on roller coasters go back for more. That terror in the moment becomes a life highlight. These are wonderful rich moments that you will cherish - maybe just not IN the moment.
Congratulations, parents! You've done an amazing job in this marathon to helping your kid become a Mustang. You spent almost two decades preparing for this next ride.
Hang on, loosely. And let out a scream or two if helps.
You got this.
Addendum (mods: I cleared this with Traci):
A bit of an afterthought, but an important one - and to be clear, this is only a concern for 0.00000000001%. They are under pressure like they've never felt before. Always let them know that no matter what, no matter what, they will be okay. "You will be okay no matter what." They know that they will always have your support, but say it anyway. Let them know that their mental health is the highest priority and for them to do whatever they need to stay mentally healthy. There are amazing resources available to them at CP, but the most important resource is them knowing, explicitly, because you've said it out loud repeatedly, that they will always have your support and that they WILL BE OKAY even if things go sideways. We all meet real struggle at sometime in our lives and college adjustment is a big stressor. Don't assume they know that we ALL get handed a Major Setback at some point in our lives - yet here we are. "You will be okay. No matter what. And you're not alone. Ever."